How to Ensure Your Letter of Recommendation Gets You Accepted to Your Dream School

Why a Strong Letter of Recommendation Is So Important

A letter of recommendation is a personal endorsement of your character, abilities, and potential. It’s an opportunity for a trusted adult to provide an outside perspective on your strengths, work ethic, and leadership skills. A compelling letter can highlight your contributions in a classroom or club, share an anecdote about your resilience, or explain a unique circumstance that shaped your academic journey. This personal insight can be the deciding factor that sets you apart from other qualified applicants.

 

On the other hand, a recommendation letter that is broadly stated or glosses over the details won’t be as impactful. That is why you’ll really need to spend some time thinking about who to ask to be your recommender.

 

Choosing the Right Recommenders

 

A great letter comes from someone who knows you well and can speak to your specific skills and character. The person’s title isn’t as important as their relationship with you. If you feel that you haven’t cultivated strong relationships with potential recommenders, focus on doing so now:

 

• If you are a high school junior, work towards creating relationships with potential recommenders this year.
• If you are a high school senior, and if you don’t feel you currently have good options for recommenders, do everything you can right now to create and strengthen those relationships:

 

• • Now that school has started, be sure to actively participate in all of your classes.
  • Spend some time getting to know your instructors by stopping by their classroom during their designated office hours, or by stopping by their classroom before or after school. Ask for help when needed, or talk to them about your college and career plans, if those plans are relevant to the class.
  • Schedule an appointment with your school counselor to discuss your academic and career goals. Ask for college application or scholarship application tips.
  • Become an active member of a club or other campus organization, and spend time talking with the faculty advisor for that organization.
  • Interested in asking a former teacher to be your recommender? Stop by those instructors’ classrooms to say hello and update them on how you’re doing, as well as to share your future plans.
  • Avoid immediately bringing up your interest in recommendation letters when you talk with your prospective recommenders – save that for an upcoming interaction.

 

Good Choices to Write Your Letter of Recommendation

 

• A teacher from a core subject (math, science, English, history) or a subject related to your intended major

The best recommenders are teachers whose classes you excelled in and in whose classes you were an active and engaged student. If you anticipate that your chosen recommender will receive numerous requests for recommendation letters, your level of engagement in their class is especially important.

 

• A school counselor or school administrator

If you have a strong relationship with a school counselor or administrator, their recommendation would provide a big-picture overview of your academic and personal growth.

 

• A coach, club advisor, or work supervisor

These individuals can speak to your dedication, teamwork, leadership, and work ethic—qualities that go beyond the classroom.

 

Avoid Asking

 

• Family members or friends

Letters from family or friends will be viewed as biased.

 

• Someone who doesn’t know you well or who you feel won’t take the time to write a personalized letter about you

A generic letter won’t carry much weight.

 

• Anyone who you are concerned might not submit the letter on time

We all know people who are well-meaning, but aren’t necessarily timely. This can include teachers, school staff, work supervisors, etc. If the person you would like to ask to be your recommender tends to show up at the last minute, or isn’t well-prepared when they arrive, they might not be the best person to ask.

 

How and When to Make Your Request for a Letter of Recommendation

 

 

The way you ask for a letter of recommendation is just as important as who you ask.

 

• Ask well in advance

Find out if your school has a process that you are required to follow when requesting faculty or staff to write a recommendation letter. If there is an established process, be sure to follow it.

If there isn’t a specific process, be sure to give your recommender at least a month, and ideally more, to write the letter. This gives them plenty of time to write a thoughtful, detailed letter without feeling rushed. A rushed request will likely result in a generic, less-impactful letter.

 

• Ask in person

A face-to-face conversation (or a video call if in-person isn’t an option) is ideal when approaching someone about writing your letter of recommendation. While it may be more “comfortable” to text or email your chosen recommender, an in-person request demonstrates your maturity, is more personal, and shows respect for their time.

 

• Be direct and polite

Start the conversation by asking, “Would you be willing to write a strong letter of recommendation for me?” This gives them a graceful way to decline if they feel they can’t write a glowing letter.

 

• Provide a clear deadline

 

 

When you make your request, tell them the exact date the letter is due. Make sure this date is at least one to two weeks before the application deadline.

 

• Follow Up Via Email

If your recommender responds positively, thank them and let them know that you’ll be following up with an email that provides more details so that they have the information they need to write the letter. On that same day, or no later than the next day, send an email to your recommender, briefly recapping your conversation, and then provide the details and materials they will need to write an effective letter. (See below for more information.) If your recommender will be submitting their recommendation through the Common App, you might also want to provide them with this link to help them understand the process.

 

Help Your Recommenders By Arming Them with Information About You

 

 

Once your recommender agrees, your job is to make their life as easy as possible. The more information you provide, the more specific and impactful their letter can be.

 

Email materials that will make it easy to write your letter of recommendation:

 

• The list of the colleges and scholarships you’re applying for, along with the specific deadlines for each

You’ll want to highlight which applications are the most important to you.

 

• Your resume or a list of your activities and key accomplishments

Include academic awards, extracurricular activities, leadership roles, and work experience. In many cases, your recommenders will only know certain things about you; by providing a resume or activities/accomplishments list, you’ll share information that they don’t yet know so that they have more to discuss in their letter.

 

• A personal statement or a brief essay about your academic and career goals

This helps them understand your aspirations and why you’re interested in a particular major or school. If you already have your college application essay(s) written, you can provide them to your recommender. Otherwise, you can write something just for your recommender to communicate this information.

 

• A list of specific traits you’d like them to highlight.

For example, you might say, “I’m hoping you could speak about my dedication to the robotics project we worked on in class and my ability to troubleshoot problems under pressure.”

 

• A pre-addressed, stamped envelope, if the letter needs to be mailed.

Most applications are now submitted electronically, but in the event that your letter needs to be mailed, always provide pre-addressed stamped envelopes to your recommender. The address should of course be the address of the college or scholarship provider organization.

 

How to Follow-Up Without Being Annoying

 

 

A polite follow-up shows respect for your recommender’s busy schedule.

 

• Send a gentle reminder

About two weeks before the deadline, send a brief, polite email asking if they need any other information from you. You can frame it as a check-in to see how things are going. In your email, be sure to mention the deadline date in case they might not recall it at the moment they are reading your email.

 

• Never pester them

Avoid daily emails or texts. Just check-in politely once.

 

• Trust them

You’ve given them a deadline and all the necessary materials. Assume they will meet it.

 

But Now the Deadline is Looming: What to Do If They Haven’t Submitted

When the deadline is fast-approaching, it’s time for a more urgent follow-up.

 

• Act quickly but politely

A few days before the deadline, send a concise email that reminds them of the looming due date. You can say something like, “Hi [Recommender’s Name], just a quick reminder that the recommendation for [College Name] is due on [Date]. Please let me know if you need anything else from me, or if you feel you will have difficulty submitting the recommendation on time.”

If your recommender is one of your teachers or member of the school staff, you can also stop by in person to talk with them about the approaching deadline and to confirm if they will be able to submit the recommendation letter on time.

 

• Prepare a backup plan

If you are not confident that your recommender will submit your letter in time, be prepared to reach out to a backup recommender. This is why it’s so important to ask well in advance.

 

What to Do If You’re Asked to Write Your Own Recommendation Letter

 

 

Ideally, you’ll want to choose a recommender who will take the time to write an outstanding letter about you. Unfortunately, you might discover that the professors and mentors who you relate to the most are ALSO the ones who get asked by multiple students, leading them to have little time to actually write letters for all of the students who have requested them. As a result, you may find yourself in the uncomfortable position of being asked to write your own recommendation letter for them to sign.

 

• Consider the advantages and disadvantages of moving forward with this recommender

  • A recommender who asks you to write your own letter may not know you well enough to write a good letter on their own, or they may simply be too busy. This could lead to a generic letter that doesn’t sound authentic.
  • You might want to find a new recommender who is genuinely enthusiastic about you and your accomplishments, and who is able to take the time to write a thoughtful recommendation letter about you.
  • On the other hand, if you don’t have other good choices for recommenders, you may decide it best to try to write your own recommendation letter. If you do want to proceed, be honest and humble in your letter. And make sure that it sounds like it’s coming from your teacher or mentor, not from you. Focus on specific, factual accomplishments rather than exaggerated praise. Review our tips and strategies for writing your own recommendation letter.

 

Concerned About Recommendations that Won’t Measure Up to Your Expectations?

When requesting letters of recommendation for college applications as well as some scholarship applications, the letters are typically submitted directly to the college. As such, you won’t have an opportunity to review those letters before they are sent. If a recommender declines your request for a letter of recommendation, that may be a sign that they don’t feel they can write a strong letter for you – and rather than try to urge your chosen recommender to change their mind, it’s best to accept their decline gracefully and move on to select a different recommender.

 

If your chosen recommender agrees to write your letter, you should assume the best because they wouldn’t write it unless they are happy to recommend you.

 

 

• No need to worry

When you’re thoughtful about who you’re asking, there is no need to stress about a potentially unfavorable letter.

 

• Focus on your other application materials

The best way to make your application stand out is to focus on the parts of the application that you have direct control over, like your essays, and your list of activities and accomplishments.

 

Final Thoughts

 

 

Receiving strong letters of recommendation makes a huge difference in your acceptance to your dream school. The key is to be strategic and thoughtful about who you ask, how you ask, and the materials you provide. This will not only make the process easier for everyone involved but will also give you the best chance of getting the kind of recommendations that will help you to stand out from the crowd!

 

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